The most important element in creating what you want in life is to know that you are capable of it, that you are worthy of it, that you deserve it. The world is as we are, meaning that the world is a projection of our consciousness. If we believe ourselves to be great, we will create greatness. If we believe ourselves to be inadequate - we will create inadequacy.

This is not about being egotistic or being full of yourself. This only occurs when you think you are better than someone else. We tend to think of ourselves relative to other people, thereby judging ourselves and judging other people. When we compare ourselves to other people, we lose. It is often said “comparison is a loser’s game”, and nothing could be more true. Many of us our afraid of experiencing our own greatness because we are concerned about the voices that will accompany our success:”I am smarter than he is”
“I am more successful than she is”
“I am sexier than she is”
“I have more money and a better education”
Etc., etc., etc.

Feeling insecure is simply the flip side of this coin:

“He is more successful than I am”
“She has a better body”
“She is more successful - why would she be interested in what I have to say?”
“He has more money, more fame, and more prestige - why would he want to talk to me?”
Etc, etc., etc.

As long as we live in this world, we suffer. Period. If we happen to be on the “successful” side of the equation and comparing ourselves to others who are perceived to be “less”, it cuts us off from potential love, connection, and insight. We create filters that skew our vision, preventing us from seeing the beauty or the greatness that might be standing right in front of us.

If we are on the “less successful” side of the equation, we suffer as well. Nothing will create pain faster than comparing yourself to someone else and deciding you come up short. Nothing. Yet it is something that many of us do all the time. When we feel inadequate or less accomplished, we are less willing to take chances, ask for what we need, set big goals, and claim the life of our dreams. We give other people power over us, simply because we perceive them as being smarter, prettier, or more successful than we are. Not fun. At all.

The solution? Step out of the paradigm all together. Step out of the comparison game and step into the greatness that knows no boundaries. Step into the greatness that is limitless and discover that you can be great, and everyone else can be great as well.

Here is how it works:

When you notice yourself comparing yourself to other people, simply notice it. Become aware. No need to judge yourself or create a whole story about how you shouldn’t be doing it - this just adds another layer to the angst. Instead, simply notice it. Become the witness to your experience. This helps to create detachment, so you no longer need to be bound by the stories in your head. As you cultivate this practice of witnessing awareness, the ceaseless chatter begins to drop away of its own accord, and it loses its power to control your life.

Next, shift your focus to who you truly are. At your essence, you are eternal and unbounded, omnipotent and omniscience. You are the wisdom and intelligence of the universe manifesting as a human being. You are beyond the body-mind, in fact your are the creator of the body mind. You are the very power that creates worlds. You are this power, and everyone else is this power as well. When you live in this realm, you realize that there are no divisions, only unity that binds each and every one of us.

As you discover this truth, you can begin to tell a different story. You can tell a story of your greatness, your wisdom, and your triumph. You can begin to tell a story of your beauty and your grace, your power and your strength. It can be a story that extols your perfection, as well as the perfection of everyone else as well, because you will know that at our essence we are all expressions of each other.

Once you begin to tell a different story, you can begin to create a different life. Our lives are an expression of the stories we tell ourselves. When you connect with your source of power, you will discover that you can create whatever story you want, and you can create whatever life you want. Connect with your source of power and you will find the beauty that awaits you once you step outside of the comparison game.

Just to re-iterate, here are the steps:

1.) Simply observe the mental chatter
2.) Focus on the truth of who you are
3.) Tell a different story
4.) Create a new life based on that story

Recognize your greatness; embrace and overcome insecurity, and discover that you have the power to create a life that you love.

I never knew Michael Jackson personally, so I can’t make any type of comment about him or his self-esteem or anything else, without it being a complete projection of my own psyche. Given the recent and unexpected death of this icon, however, it seems appropriate to discuss the topic of body image and beauty.

There is no doubt that Michael Jackson’s appearance changed dramatically over the course of his lifetime. It was widely rumored that he suffered from anorexia, possibly had body dysmorphia, possibly bleached his skin, and had more plastic surgery operations that one can count. It is rumored that anorexia might have played a role in his most unexpected death.

Some people look at his life and consider it with sadness, perceiving suffering. Others look on in smug judgment. Yet any opinion that we have about a celebrity is merely some reflection of ourselves.

Given that our culture at large is obsessed with appearances, and plastic surgery is becoming every day more common, Michael’s tragic death presents us all with an opportunity to ask ourselves:

What makes us want to change our appearance, sometimes drastically? It might be getting a face lift, nose job, breast implants, lyposuction, or botox. What fuels this desire to change our physical bodies, often at enormous cost?

Many people suffer from self-hatred and dissatisfaction that shows up in the way they treat their bodies, whether through under-eating, overeating, binging, purging, or even substance abuse. Unfortunately, they mistakenly believe that changing their bodies will change the way they feel about themselves.

How do you relate to your body?

Do you believe that you will be more lovable if you look a certain way? Dress a certain way?

How much is your body an indicator of your success? Does it determine how you feel about yourself?

Only those close to Michael, and perhaps only Michael himself, will know the true reasons behind his dramatically-shifting appearance. For everyone else, instead of blaming, judging, or even feeling sorry for him, ask yourself what you can do to feel better about your body and about yourself.

It is only by changing the way we feel about ourselves that we can change anything else.

Can you discover your true beauty, without having to change anything?

I spent this past Sunday with a new friend of mine enjoying an incredibly beautiful and sunny day in San Diego. It has been foggy here for the last two months, so the sunshine is an incredibly welcome change! I have been wondering if I brought the Northwest with me when I moved here from Seattle a couple of months ago… That being said, I have not yet mastered the appropriate “sunscreen-to-skin ratio” and unfortunately returned home with a bit more of a pink hue than I had bargained for…

As I am getting to know people and making friends in my new location, I have become very aware of what I will call the art of listening. Simply bringing your full presence and our full awareness to someone else can generate feelings of love, understanding, and empathy. It is a simple practice that yields tremendous benefits for everyone involved. This post is focused on the fact that love happens first, everything else follows. And the art of listening, to yourself and to other people, can help you experience the love that is your birthright.

For those of you interested in bite-size communication - follow my updates on Twitter: http://twitter.com/SarahMaria

With no further ado…

Love Happens First, Greatness Follows

It is becoming more and more well known that happiness is not something we achieve at some later date. Numerous studies have been done showing that people think they will be happy when they have the perfect relationship, make a certain amount of money, achieve a certain level of success, or whatever it is they desire. It has been proven, however, that these externals have very little to do, in fact, with ongoing happiness. If you win the lottery, for example, you might have a short-term surge in happiness, but within a year you are back at the same level of happiness you had before you won the lottery.

Most of us our born with a happiness set-point and external achievements won’t change it. However, there are many internal practices, such as gratitude, that can shift this set-point. As your happiness set-point shifts, your external world will begin to improve to reflect your new state of being.

Now here is the interesting thing:

Many of us play the same cognitive mind-game when it comes to love. We think that when we achieve something, then we will be loveable. That when we accomplish certain things, then we will receive the love we desire. Here is what the internal dialogue might look like:

“When I make more money, then I will be attractive (i.e. loveable)”
“When I get a better job, then I will be loveable”
“When I lose weight, then I will be attractive”
“When I look younger, then I will be deserving of affection”

Here is the reality:

Love happens first. It is not contingent on doing anything, having anything, or being anything in particular. Love is not something that you deserve; it is not based on anything external. Love is an attribute of your very being; it is an attribute, in fact, of the cosmos.

The more loved a person feels, the more likely he or she is to live a beautiful life. Love happens first, success comes second. Love happens first, achievement comes second. Love happens first, meaningful relationships come second. The most important thing is to feel loved, truly loved. Then you will feel inspired to live, inspired to love, inspired to give, inspired to be the very best you, not because you should, not because you have to, simply because you feel loved and want to make your life a living expression of this love.

Picture a small baby. You don’t love a baby because of its accomplishments. I mean, really, they are usually chubby, hairless, crying little entities that are completely helpless. They can’t do anything at all! Yet they are infinitely loveable simply because they are, simply because they exist. The more loved, nurtured, and adored a child feels, the greater her chance of accomplishing her heart’s desire. Love happens first.

So here is the question: How do you create this feeling of being loved, for yourself and for others? Life is replete with examples of not feeling loved. Maybe you suffered childhood abuse, maybe your husband left you, maybe your wife cheated on you. Maybe your best friend abandoned you.

But NOW is the time to feel the love that you deserve, and NOW is the time to share this love with others. Now is the time to discover your greatness and allow others to discover theirs.

Here is a simple technique that will yield profound results:

Practice conscious listening

Here is how it works:

When you are having a conversation with someone else, be it parent, child, partner, friend, bring your full attention to the person and the conversation. You will probably notice that your mind is constantly distracted. While you are listening to him or her, you might find yourself thinking about how you are feeling, what you need to do, what you ate for lunch, etc. This is fine - simply bring your awareness back to the other person. Set the intention to fully listen to him or her. Focus on simply being in the moment. Look into the other person’s eyes and make a commitment to simply be present and listen to what they are saying. As your mind wanders, bring it back, again and again. In this age of multi-tasking and frenetic-doing, simply listening is a beautiful gift of love that you can give.

Sometimes we need to listen not to other people but to ourselves. Many of us have a habit of ignoring our needs - whether they are physical, emotional, or spiritual. It takes practice to learn to listen to ourselves. Here is a technique you can use to give yourself the gift of listening and creating a feeling of being loved:

Find a place to sit quietly. Close your eyes and visualize someone that you respect, admire, or love. This can be a spiritual figure, a family member, or anyone else. It is often helpful to visualize a wise, loving, compassionate version of yourself to play this listening role. Visualize this person listening attentively to everything you have to say. Check in with yourself - maybe it is your body that needs to be listened to, maybe it is your heart, maybe it is the part of you that is stressed out, perhaps that part that is lonely. Allow this being whom you have visualized to be a fully attentive, compassionate listener, giving you the gift of full attention and awareness. The beautiful thing about this is that you can go here any time, anywhere.

Anytime you are wanting to feel loved, nurtured, and supported, visualize a loving being offering this unconditional love and acceptance. Numerous studies have been done showing the profound benefits of visualization on our psycho-physiology - this is definitely worth imagining!

Peace, Love, and Beauty.

Well, this week is another article related to happiness. Yes, I am going to be talking about how to let go of intentions so that they have maximum organizing power. Interestingly, this has quite a lot to do with happiness, as I will explain. The more happiness we can cultivate in the present moment, the easier it is to let go. And the more we let go, the easier it is to be happy. It is a circular process. Be happy, let go. Let go, be happy. Back and forth, back and forth, like waves breaking on the beach and then flowing back out to sea. (Yes, as you can probably tell from the metaphor, I am spending some time near the ocean, as I enjoy my new home in San Diego. It is finally getting sunny after a month covered in fog!)

Keep reading for specific tips on how to be happy and let go, how to let go and how to be happy…

Happiness: A Moment-by-Moment Feeling of Well-being

I have come to discover through personal experience that happiness is a moment-by-moment event. Happiness is not some fixed state, but it is an ongoing process. What do we even mean by happiness? Here is one definition that I like a lot: Happiness is a moment-by-moment feeling of well-being.
 
As human beings, we are constantly searching for this feeling that we call happiness. All living organisms desire to feel good and are constantly searching for how to feel good. Unfortunately, when we are not feeling good, and often chronically not feeling good, we turn to destructive habits, such as over-eating, over-drinking, over-TV watching. We become tense and frustrated. The worse we feel, the worse decisions we make, and the less we get what we want in life. And then the worse we feel. Pretty frustrating, right?
 
Fortunately, there is a way out. And it starts with generating feelings of well-being. These feelings of well-being can be just a thought away. We can make choices as subtle as picking another thought to improve our state of mind. We can also take actions that will help improve our mood.
 
So how does all of this relate to Intention?  Intentions are most effective when you set the intention, and then get out of the way. Let the universe handle the details. The universe will orchestrate the fulfillment of your desires, but if you are attempting to control the outcome, you will completely miss the orchestration that the universe is conducting.
 
Now for many of you who have been pursuing a spiritual path for a while, this is not news. Spiritual teachers have been sharing this news for years. And yet a question I hear over and over again is: How do I let go?

It is a question that is usually asked with angst and frustration: How to heck to I let go of something I really, really want? How can I get what I want if I let go? Won’t I lose my desire? Won’t I not get it? Isn’t the whole point of fulfilling my desire having the desire in the first place? And how am I supposed to let go of it anyway?
 
I understand the frustration - I really do. I have been in a similar place. Yet I have discovered a beautiful thing: you really can let go. And the more you let go, the more you can allow, the easier everything will be and the more you can allow the universe to handle the details for you.
 
So here are a few suggestions on how to let go, and I am going to tie it back into happiness:
 
* Know that you can change your story any time, any place. When you find yourself stuck on something, a negative thought, a negative feeling, a negative behavior, remind yourself that you can drop it, that you can let go of it, and then focus on feeling good. In that moment, what could you do to make yourself feel good? What will make you feel good will change depending on the circumstance, but always ask yourself what will make me feel good right now? Here are some suggestions that I have been using in my own life:

1. Step away from the computer!  Seriously, technology is amazing, but when you spend long hours in front of one, it is important to take a break and make sure there is more to life than the virtual.
2. Get outside. A brisk walk in the sunshine, even if for a few minutes, can do wonders for your mood.
3. Spend time with friends. Loving human interaction has a tremendous impact on all areas of health.
4. Focus on creating time for what you enjoy. It might be music; it might be exercise; it might be reading, and it is probably a combination of many things. Remind yourself that your feeling good is important - the better you feel, the more you can give, and the greater impact you can make in the world.

Sometimes we can’t change what we are doing - we have kids to take care of, parents to take care of, health challenges, economic realities, whatever they may be. When you find yourself in a situation you can’t change, shift your focus to being. Realize that you are not a human thinking, nor a human feeling, nor a human doing, but a human being. Picture an infant who is simply happy to be (when they are not crying, that is.) Shift your focus to being, and think about someone or something that you love. It could be a person, a pet, a place, anything that generates a feeling of love in your heart. Then focus on that. The feeling of love and affection immediately creates that feeling of well-being, and you can carry it with you wherever you are, whatever the circumstance. You can repeat the following mantra to remind yourself:
 
Being Love, Being Love, Being Love
 
Love Being, Love Being, Love Being
 
Over time you will discover that this is all you ever need - to be love. And the more you feel love in your heart, the more you reside in this place of well-being, the greater your ability to let go of your desires, and the more you let go, the more you will allow the universe to give back.