Life is meant to be a love affair, an actual love affair.  Life, as it truly is, is in fact, a love affair.  Now you can choose whether or not to experience life as such, whether or not to join in the dance.  But no matter what, life itself always remains a true love affair, an intimate dance in each and every moment.

Every desire for love, every desire to love, is simply the longing within you to experience the reality of life, the truth of what you are.  Your longing for love is your longing to know and experience yourself as the love that you are in reality.

Each and every human experience of love is designed for the sole purpose of showing you what you truly are; it is designed to illumine the nature of you true beauty.

The mistake that people make is thinking that love comes from some particular experience and is dependent on a particular experience.  The human mind creates the illusion that love comes from an experience or an interaction with a particular object.

In reality, love is inherent in every experience.  Love is what is actually happening in every experience.  Most people miss this because they think of love as a feeling; they think of love as something that comes and goes.  But true love is the very ground of existence.  It cannot come and go because it simply IS.  Love is what is in every experience.  Whether your experience is pleasurable or painful, good or bad, friendly or unfriendly, what is happening is still love.

This may sound like a tall claim, an extreme claim, even an impossible claim.  But if you think about it, even for a moment, you will discover that it can be no other way.

You do not exist as a separate individual but exist only in communion with the entire cosmos.  You are appearing as what you perceive of as “you”, as a particular body-mind.  But in essence, “you” has no independent existence at all.  You are the same as the flowers, as the dirt, as the air, as your friends, as your lover, as your cat, as your dog.  You are the same essence.

As you realize and experience this, every interaction becomes a kiss; every interaction becomes intimate.  When you are open, when you are available, every experience is a kiss from the divine in its myriad forms.

1. When you walk through the park, notice the trees, the flowers, the ocean – they all stop to smile, wave, and embrace you, if given half the chance.
2. Instead of judging your body for its perceived flaws and imperfections, practice dropping into it and fully experiencing it.  Your body is always alive with love.
3. In every interaction, whether with pleasant or unpleasant, let yourself experience the love that is underneath the pleasure or the pain.

Love is what is happening all the time.  Simply let life love you. That is what it is designed to do, if given half the chance.

So instead of thinking that love comes from a particular experience, use every experience where you feel love to remind yourself of what is already and always the case.

When you experience a moment of love, a hug from a friend, an embrace with your lover, a smile on a child’s face, let that remind you of the love that is always there, always available, all the time.  Use that experience to remind you that life is love happening, and you are an intrinsic, indispensable, an exquisitely beautiful part of the cosmic love affair.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy and begin to love your body today.  Visit: www.sarahmaria.com or for more about Sarah Maria’s work, please visit:  www.breakfreebeauty.com.

Recently a woman contacted me who is studying journalism in her third year at university in England.  She is writing a paper on facial disfiguration and asked if I could answer some questions as a body-image expert.  Below are the answers to her questions.  These answers will be helpful for whatever struggles you might be encountering in your life. Please enjoy.

Know this: whatever your physical appearance, you are beautiful. You can consider this to be a nice idea, but I guarantee it is the absolute truth.  If you believe yourself to have imperfections, whatever form they take, please use the questions and answers below to help you let go of those false ideas and beliefs that prevent you from experiencing the beauty that you are.  Because the experience of that beauty is the only beauty worth having.

Question:  What exactly does your role as a Body-Image Coach mean? i.e. In general terms what is it that you do?

Being a body-image coach simply means that I facilitate people’s coming to love and accept their bodies and themselves.  In a very real sense, I do nothing.  I simply facilitate the natural process that is taking place within people.  Within each individual is an intrinsic knowing, an intrinsic wisdom, that can best be described as love.  This love longs to express itself, to our own selves, as well as to others.  Unfortunately, very few people know how to access this natural love and allow it to unfold.  As a body-image coach, I simply facilitate this unfolding.  I help people connect with this beauty, perfection, love, and wisdom that is already inside of themselves, seeking expression.  So perhaps the best word to describe my role is simply that of facilitator.

Question:  What are your views on our societies obsession with being ‘beautiful’? How would you classify being beautiful?

My view is that everything in life is a gift, including that which seems horrible, awful, and incomprehensible.  The only key factor is the individual – are you, meaning the individual, willing and able to view everything that you experience as a gift?  This certainly does not mean that everything is enjoyable, or that pain or suffering should be endorsed or allowed, but it does mean that in each moment, you have a choice.  A Course in Miracles states that every moment is a choice between a grievance and a miracle.  Another way to say this same thing is “in every moment, you can make a choice between seeing life as a gift or a curse.”

So how is this relevant to society’s obsession with being beautiful?  If you suffer from negative feelings about yourself and your appearance, it is easy to blame society.  And yes, societies views on beauty are unequivocally limited, deficient, and utterly misleading.  As an individual, however, you can use society’s limited perception of beauty to your advantage.  You can use it to help you discover and experience your own inherent beauty and perfection.

Here is an example of how this might work:

1. Let’s say you have internalized the mainstream culture’s messages about beauty.  You believe that you do not fit this standard, and are thus deficient your lacking in some way.  Simply notice this.
2. Then realize that this is complete and utter nonsense.  Realize that you were born absolutely perfect, inherently beautiful, and you will remain that way forever.  Beauty is not something that you achieve because you look a certain way.  Beauty is an attribute of your existence.  You were born with it, and it always remains.
3. Whenever you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, feeling like you are not beautiful enough, remind yourself that this is an illusion.  This is simply the result of growing up in a society that cannot recognize beauty and is completely deluded regarding the whole topic.
4. Every time you remind yourself of this truth, and let go of the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that keep you from this truth, the closer you will come to seeing and experience the beauty that is always there.  True beauty is nothing that you achieve; it is simply something that you learn to see.

Being beautiful is simply being you.  It is being you in all your dimensions, in all your aspects, in the very rawness of your humanity.  Some days you might be well put-together; other days you might be falling apart.  Some days you might radiate health, other days you might be beset by illness.  Both are equally beautiful.  It is only the mind that divides, saying one is beautiful and the other is not.  In reality, there is only one beauty, and you are that.

Question:  Do you feel that it is unhealthy for young women to be growing up in an environment where such an emphasis is placed on image and looks?

This depends.  Would it be nice if we lived in a culture that honored everyone’s uniqueness and intrinsic beauty?  Absolutely.  The only way to create this society, however, is to start with each individual.  Learn to recognize beauty within yourself; learn to recognize beauty within everyone and everything else.  It is only by changing each individual, one-by-one, that a new society will be created that is simply an expression of these individuals steeped in beauty.

In the meantime, since we do live in a society that has a distorted view of beauty, take complete responsibility for transforming yourself.  If you are a parent, raise your children so that they know what true beauty is.  Teach them to see the beauty in everyone and everything.  As an individual, whatever your condition in life, commit unwaveringly to knowing and experiencing your inherent beauty.  As you come to know your own beauty, you will become a beacon of beauty that radiates beauty ceaselessly, slowly transforming the culture into one that is more supportive.

Question:  I have read on your website that you once struggled with body loathing. How did you get through this tough time? What advice would you offer to others in this situation?

My struggle with body loathing, and the healing process, was a process.  It did not happen overnight.  But it did happen.  And this is the most important thing for people to hear.  Freedom from body-loathing, freedom from self-hatred, freedom from suffering and un-lovability, is completely possible.  It only requires a willingness for it to end.  It might sound odd, but this willingness usually grows over time.

The most important things is helping me to heal were professional help, yoga, and meditation.  I, myself, suffered for way too long without seeking professional help.  This is why I work as a body-image coach, to help people who are struggling.  There are also many competent therapists and healers.  The most important thing is to seek qualified professional help as soon as possible.

Equally important is learning to listen to your true self.  By the time people have reached adolescence, most people have forgotten how to listen to their own intuitive guidance.  Each person has a reservoir of wisdom inside of themselves.  It is simply a matter of learning to listen to and follow this guidance.

Two great ways to learn how to access your inner-intelligence are through yoga and meditation.  Yoga can help you to become aware of and in tune with your body.  Your body has an incomprehensible amount of intelligence if you simply learn how to listen to it.  Yoga can help you create a collaborative relationship with your body.

Meditation is also a critical component of healing.  I cannot stress the benefits of meditation enough.  Simply practicing meditation on a regular basis helps to cleanse the mind of the negative delusions and beliefs that plague so many people.  If you are caught in a pattern of disliking your body and yourself, you are living with painful illusions.  Meditation will begin to uproot the lies you are living with and help you begin to see and experience your inherent beauty and perfection.

Question:  Obviously for people suffering from facial disfigurements and birthmarks it is not so easy to physically change their appearance. How would your five-step process to love your body and your life help them?

Changing your physical appearance is not an essential part of accepting and making peace with your body and yourself.  As a matter of fact, changing your appearance can sometimes be a hindrance to this process of acceptance. This is not always the case, but it certainly can be.

The five-step process outlined in Love Your Body, Love Your Life, is a process designed to help people move from disliking their bodies and themselves, whatever the reason may be, to acceptance, and then to love.  My work is not about helping people change their appearance per se.  For people who want to lose weight or improve their health, this may very well come about as a by-product of loving and accepting themselves, but it is not the point of the work.  The point of the work is to help people love and accept what is, and from that place of love and acceptance, anything is possible.

Question:  Do you think that young women suffering from facial disfigurations would be more accepting of themselves if there was more awareness of this issue, and people with the condition were being seen in the media, for example in ad campaigns?

If by more awareness you mean that there was more awareness of what true beauty is then, yes, I do think that more awareness would result in people accepting themselves more.  The key is that people become aware of what beauty is.  Beauty is not something you achieve because you look a certain way, have certain facial features, appear blemish free, whatever ideas people have about beauty.  Beauty is not what you think it is.  Beauty is an attribute of existence itself.  You were born beautiful.  Whether you were born with facial disfigurations or born as a soon-to-be super model simply does not matter.  I know this runs contrary to everything people have been taught to believe.  This is what I mean about needing more awareness about what is truly beautiful.  Every single person is beautiful because it is an essential attribute of existence, and a rose is no more beautiful than a tulip, then a daisy.  All are unique; each one is beautiful.

If our media, advertisements, etc. begin to reflect a more true definition of beauty I think this could have a positive effect on everyone’s ideas about beauty.  If ad campaigns show that beauty comes in all shapes, forms, and conditions, there will be more awareness and people will begin to cultivate eyes that can see true beauty.

Question:  If these girls were considering surgical cosmetic treatment to effectively change what they looked like what would you say to them? i.e. Do you feel that your methods of coaching would be more beneficial?

This completely depends.  I don’t have anything against cosmetic surgery per se.  If people have a disfiguration that they really want changed, there is nothing inherently wrong with this.  However, most of the time, changing the external appearance will not improve self-esteem and self-acceptance in and of itself.  So I would recommend that if someone has a history of struggling with negative feelings about their bodies and themselves that they engage in internal exploration and healing, regardless of whether or not they decide to get surgery.  Whether or not they have cosmetic treatment, the internal exploration will help them throughout their entire lives.  After you seek professional help with a qualified therapist or comparable professional, then you can decide whether or not you want to proceed with the treatment.  This will increase the chances that you feel good with whatever decision you make.

Question:  What advice would you offer to loved ones and friends who are trying to help someone who suffers from low self-esteem regarding their looks?

The very best thing you can do is to let someone know that they do not need to live with the low-self esteem and disliking their looks.  Let them know that it is possible to feel great in and about themselves.  You can let them know how much you love and care about them.  Then encourage them to find professional help.  There are many great resources available, and good professional help and guidance can make a huge difference in their life.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy and begin to love your body today.  Visit: www.sarahmaria.com, or for more about Sarah Maria’s work, please visit: www.breakfreebeauty.com.

In my experience, there is only one real way to increase your self-confidence, and that is through Self-confidence.  Self-confidence, with a capital “S”, comes from focusing on the Self, your true Self, your actual Self.  Self confidence with a small “s” comes from looking for stability, safety, and security, in that which is inherently unstable, transitory, and fleeting, which is never ultimately effective.  Let me explain…

A lack of self-confidence, or low self-esteem, comes from the ideas, beliefs, attitudes, etc. that say you are not quite enough the way you are, that something is lacking.  Perhaps you think your body is not thin enough, strong, enough, or healthy enough.  Maybe you think you are not smart enough, not fast enough, not loving enough.  Maybe you think you are too selfish, or too giving.  No matter what your particular story line, no matter what your particular perspective, you think and believe that something is wrong with you, that you are somehow flawed and lacking in some way.

This belief-system, this set of assumptions, is the result of your conditioning and is simply not true.

You can spend your whole life working to build your self-confidence by changing certain things about yourself.  And it can feel like it is working, like you have improved your self-confidence.

The problem is that anything, absolutely anything, that you perceive of as an object is transitory and fleeting.  So you can improve your health, increase your income, experience beautiful relationships, but all of this is subject to change, and when it does, it can undermine the sense of confidence that you worked so hard to achieve.  So consider instead shifting your focus entirely. Shift your focus from the ever-changing person of your imagination, to the Self which is immutable and never-changing.  This is the Source of true Self-confidence.

The fact of the matter is that who you are, or rather what you are, is already, has always been, and will always be perfect.  Who you are is the eternal Self, the Source of all reality.  You cannot not be perfect.  Yet in order to see this, you need to continuously shift your reference point.  You need to fastidiously shift your focus away from the fleeting and temporary “person” that you think yourself to be and shift it toward that which is eternally perfect.

Instead of constantly looking for ways to improve yourself, give up the idea that you need improvement.  Instead of spending your whole life attempting to perfect your “person”, discover that you not a person in need of perfection.  Who you are is already perfect.

Life then becomes a practice of letting go of all the false ideas and beliefs that you carry around with you.  Just like an overweight suitcase, these false assumptions drain you of your energy, vitality, and beauty.  They eclipse the experience of your perfection.

So if you are interested in true Self-confidence, consider this as a practice:

1. Accept the premise that who you are, exactly as you are, is already perfect.
2. Become aware of every thought, idea, belief, behavior, feeling, and perception that runs contrary, that tells you somehow you are not quite good enough.
3. Practice letting go of those perceptions.  Let them go, one-by-one, staying focused always on that which is eternal and unchanging.

When you realize that what you are is already perfect, all questions of self-confidence disappear of their own accord and you are left with the ultimate Self-confidence.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy, begin to love your body today.  Visit: www.sarahmaria.com, www.breakfreebeauty.com.

How willing are you to live in the mystery?  How willing are you to live the mystery?  Or another way to ask this question is how willing are you to allow the mystery to live you?

You see, you live in mystery. Or, better said, you are a living mystery.

Very few people are ready and willing to accept this mystery. The mind wants to figure the mystery out, seeking to grasp and hold onto the mystery.  The mind asks:

• What about this?
• How do I?
• But what if?
• How does it work?
• What will happen when?

And there is nothing wrong with these questions.  Yet the deepest longing of your heart and soul, the deep yearning for truth, cannot be grasped and understood – it can only be experienced.

I heard a story once that a great scientist (I think Einstein) said: “God doesn’t play dice with the universe”.  With the advent of quantum physics, another leading scientist reveled: “God not only plays dice, but he throws the dice where no one can find them.”

This is simply a way of saying that we are part of a mystery that cannot be explained, that cannot be understood, that cannot be grasped.  But it can be experienced. The mystery can be revealed; you can literally experience a revelation; you can experience the revelation of the mystery.

In my experience, the fastest way to experience this mystery, to live this mystery, is through the heart.  When you live from the heart, you transcend the mind. For many people, the mind serves as a barrier to the experience of truth.  Not because the mind is bad, not because the mind is wrong, but simply because the mind has been conditioned, trained, away from truth.  The mind has been conditioned to have all sort of beliefs, ideas, attitudes, and assumptions.  And none of these beliefs can show you the mystery of reality, the mystery of life, because this mystery can only be experienced directly.  It can be experienced not through thinking, feeling, or doing, but rather through surrendering.

It is natural, almost inevitable, to be afraid of living the mystery because living the mystery means seeing that you are not in control.  For those of us who like to think we control life, or at the very least control ourselves, surrendering to the mystery can seem daunting, overwhelming, even unbearable.

Yet the truth of the matter remains – we are part and parcel of an incredible mystery.  And we do not control the mystery.  It is when you are willing to surrender to this mystery we call life that true beauty can begin to reveal itself.

So take some time this week to reside in the heart. Reside in your heart and see if you can let the mystery guide you to an experience of your exquisite nature.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy, begin to love your body today.  Visit: www.sarahmaria.com, www.breakfreebeauty.com.