In my experience, there is only one real way to increase your self-confidence, and that is through Self-confidence.  Self-confidence, with a capital “S”, comes from focusing on the Self, your true Self, your actual Self.  Self confidence with a small “s” comes from looking for stability, safety, and security, in that which is inherently unstable, transitory, and fleeting, which is never ultimately effective.  Let me explain…

A lack of self-confidence, or low self-esteem, comes from the ideas, beliefs, attitudes, etc. that say you are not quite enough the way you are, that something is lacking.  Perhaps you think your body is not thin enough, strong, enough, or healthy enough.  Maybe you think you are not smart enough, not fast enough, not loving enough.  Maybe you think you are too selfish, or too giving.  No matter what your particular story line, no matter what your particular perspective, you think and believe that something is wrong with you, that you are somehow flawed and lacking in some way.

This belief-system, this set of assumptions, is the result of your conditioning and is simply not true.

You can spend your whole life working to build your self-confidence by changing certain things about yourself.  And it can feel like it is working, like you have improved your self-confidence.

The problem is that anything, absolutely anything, that you perceive of as an object is transitory and fleeting.  So you can improve your health, increase your income, experience beautiful relationships, but all of this is subject to change, and when it does, it can undermine the sense of confidence that you worked so hard to achieve.  So consider instead shifting your focus entirely. Shift your focus from the ever-changing person of your imagination, to the Self which is immutable and never-changing.  This is the Source of true Self-confidence.

The fact of the matter is that who you are, or rather what you are, is already, has always been, and will always be perfect.  Who you are is the eternal Self, the Source of all reality.  You cannot not be perfect.  Yet in order to see this, you need to continuously shift your reference point.  You need to fastidiously shift your focus away from the fleeting and temporary “person” that you think yourself to be and shift it toward that which is eternally perfect.

Instead of constantly looking for ways to improve yourself, give up the idea that you need improvement.  Instead of spending your whole life attempting to perfect your “person”, discover that you not a person in need of perfection.  Who you are is already perfect.

Life then becomes a practice of letting go of all the false ideas and beliefs that you carry around with you.  Just like an overweight suitcase, these false assumptions drain you of your energy, vitality, and beauty.  They eclipse the experience of your perfection.

So if you are interested in true Self-confidence, consider this as a practice:

1. Accept the premise that who you are, exactly as you are, is already perfect.
2. Become aware of every thought, idea, belief, behavior, feeling, and perception that runs contrary, that tells you somehow you are not quite good enough.
3. Practice letting go of those perceptions.  Let them go, one-by-one, staying focused always on that which is eternal and unchanging.

When you realize that what you are is already perfect, all questions of self-confidence disappear of their own accord and you are left with the ultimate Self-confidence.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy, begin to love your body today.  Visit: www.sarahmaria.com, www.breakfreebeauty.com.

How willing are you to live in the mystery?  How willing are you to live the mystery?  Or another way to ask this question is how willing are you to allow the mystery to live you?

You see, you live in mystery. Or, better said, you are a living mystery.

Very few people are ready and willing to accept this mystery. The mind wants to figure the mystery out, seeking to grasp and hold onto the mystery.  The mind asks:

• What about this?
• How do I?
• But what if?
• How does it work?
• What will happen when?

And there is nothing wrong with these questions.  Yet the deepest longing of your heart and soul, the deep yearning for truth, cannot be grasped and understood – it can only be experienced.

I heard a story once that a great scientist (I think Einstein) said: “God doesn’t play dice with the universe”.  With the advent of quantum physics, another leading scientist reveled: “God not only plays dice, but he throws the dice where no one can find them.”

This is simply a way of saying that we are part of a mystery that cannot be explained, that cannot be understood, that cannot be grasped.  But it can be experienced. The mystery can be revealed; you can literally experience a revelation; you can experience the revelation of the mystery.

In my experience, the fastest way to experience this mystery, to live this mystery, is through the heart.  When you live from the heart, you transcend the mind. For many people, the mind serves as a barrier to the experience of truth.  Not because the mind is bad, not because the mind is wrong, but simply because the mind has been conditioned, trained, away from truth.  The mind has been conditioned to have all sort of beliefs, ideas, attitudes, and assumptions.  And none of these beliefs can show you the mystery of reality, the mystery of life, because this mystery can only be experienced directly.  It can be experienced not through thinking, feeling, or doing, but rather through surrendering.

It is natural, almost inevitable, to be afraid of living the mystery because living the mystery means seeing that you are not in control.  For those of us who like to think we control life, or at the very least control ourselves, surrendering to the mystery can seem daunting, overwhelming, even unbearable.

Yet the truth of the matter remains – we are part and parcel of an incredible mystery.  And we do not control the mystery.  It is when you are willing to surrender to this mystery we call life that true beauty can begin to reveal itself.

So take some time this week to reside in the heart. Reside in your heart and see if you can let the mystery guide you to an experience of your exquisite nature.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy, begin to love your body today.  Visit: www.sarahmaria.com, www.breakfreebeauty.com.

For me, 2010 will be the year of the heart.

In the West, most people think of the mind as being the source of insight, wisdom, knowledge and guidance. People think that the mind is where they will find the answers to life’s most important questions; it is where they think they will discover how to live. And yet for most people the mind is the seat of ignorance, confusion, and difficulty.

In other traditions, and in my own experience, the heart is the true seat of wisdom and knowledge. The mind get confused; the heart loves. The mind questions; the heart knows. The mind worries; the heart relaxes.

Now don’t get me wrong – the mind can be a very useful tool. When kept in its proper role, it is an incredible asset. But it should remain a servant, not a master. 

As you learn to focus on your heart instead of on your mind, you will discover a whole new way of being in the world. You will be able to tap into wisdom, insight, and guidance that you never before imagined.

So consider this as a start for 2010: turn your attention to your heart; connect with the feeling of love, and share your love and gratitude. Are there people in your life who evoke a feeling of love? Did you experience blessings in 2009 that evoke a feeling of gratitude? Focus on these people or these blessings. Let them evoke the feelings of love and gratitude, and let these feelings pour out from you and gently guide your life.

Now one thing about this practice, and about following the path of the heart more generally: I am not promising that it might not be messy. Hearts can be broken. You can share your love and gratitude and have it rejected, and that hurts. You can give everything you have, offer all the love you can, and still feel hurt, betrayed, abandoned, unloved. There might be bumps, bruises, cuts, and scratches as you offer your tender heart.

But in my experience these pains and these hurts are never the end – they aren’t the final say. They don’t have the final word. The more you love, the more you give, the purer your heart becomes. Now this does not mean deplete yourself, abandon yourself, or deny yourself. Quite the contrary: it means love yourself completely; give yourself everything, and let this love become your life.

Always start by offering yourself love first. When you truly love yourself, you love others. For when you know how to love yourself, your heart becomes full. And your love begins to flower – it begins to bloom.  You can begin to offer it, without regard for whether it gets returned or not. Your love might be returned; it might be reflected back to you. It might be rejected and denied because of someone else’s closed heart. But it does not matter. None of that matters. Because the love lives you; the love gives you. Your life becomes an expression of love and is complete in-and-of itself.

And the more this love flowers from within, the more beautiful the world becomes. Unexpected blessings flow into your life; grace finds you and begins to penetrate your being.

So in 2010, let your love flower. Love is not another item on your to-do list. Simply let it flower. Let it grow within your heart and radiate outward. And from this place of fullness, offer love to yourself, offer love to others, offer love to the Divine. Let your entire life become an expression of love and gratitude, for this life is truly an exquisite gift to be both given and received.

Wishing you a year filled with peace, love, and beauty always.

How many times have you waited for something to change so that you could finally start feeling beautiful?

If you are like most women, the answer is “all the time.”

Here is the problem: Most of us tend to live with the delusional belief that we somehow need to change in order to be beautiful.  It usually sounds something like:

“When I lose this extra weight, then I will be attractive.”
“If I can just get my abs toned, then I can wear that swimsuit.”
“I feel so much better after I put on my make-up in the morning.”
“I looked much sexier before I had these wrinkles.”
“My hair looks drab and lifeless until I get it colored.”

Unfortunately, we think these stories, these lies, that we have been taught are true. We believe that we somehow need to change who we are, how we look, and what we do in order to finally be sexy, attractive, and drop-dead gorgeous.

This is a lie – an erroneous, ubiquitous, and often painful lie. The truth of the matter is that you are inherently, unconditionally, and absolutely beautiful and loveable right now, without changing a single thing.

Fortunately, very fortunately, you can expose these lies and choose to no longer live under their spell.  Ready to get started? Here are 6 simple and sure-fired ways to help you feel beautiful today:

1.  Become aware of what you are thinking.

Simply become aware of the stories you are telling yourself so that you are no longer reacting on auto-pilot. Through awareness alone, you can begin to transmute your reality and transform lies into truth. Actively acknowledge that there is no inherent truth in the belief that you need to change something about yourself in order to be attractive. Consider that you can start feeling beautiful immediately, in this moment, without changing a single thing.

2.  Set an Intention to See Beauty

Setting an intention is simple: intend to create a different reality for yourself. Here are some examples:

“I intend to experience my inherent beauty.”
Or: “I intend to see my beauty and perfection at all times.”
Or: “I intend to know I am inherently beautiful, lovable, and worthwhile.”

Do you ever see your reflection in the mirror and grimace at your wrinkles, vowing to purchase the latest anti-wrinkle cream?  Set an intention to find your beauty in your reflection.

Or when you undress, do you ever suck in your stomach, berating yourself for not yet losing those 5 extra pounds?  Set an intention to appreciate the body that you have right now.

Do you ever go shopping for clothes and wish you were a size (or more) smaller?  Set an intention to unconditionally accept your body.

Hopefully you get the idea; set an intention to see yourself through the eyes of beauty.

3.  Take a “Meditation Moment”

Meditation is the mental equivalent of brushing your teeth. This means that it is an essential and indispensable daily activity designed to help rest and rejuvenate your body, cleanse your psyche, awaken your spirit, and help you live a life that you love.

Nourish yourself with instant meditation moments throughout the day.

Are you waiting at the bus stop on your way to work?  Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to connect within.

Are you making dinner for the family? Take 30 seconds and focus on the sounds, smells, and sensations in your environment, letting them nourish your senses.

Are you in the shower, getting ready to start your day? Turn your attention to the feeling of warm water cascading against you, gently caressing your body, and allow yourself to relax.
 
These meditation moments can happen anywhere, anytime – 30 to 60 seconds of closing your eyes and connecting within can make all the difference in the world.

4.  Your Body is Your Best Friend

Your human body is your truest ally. Befriend it and it will serve you tirelessly.

Treat it as you would a dear friend:

Feed your body with healthy food, taking the time to give it proper nourishment.

Remember to exercise, and make it enjoyable. If the gym makes you cringe, opt for yoga, Pilates, dance, or good old walking. Anything to get your body moving will do wonders.

Relaxation is key. In our harried and hurried world, it is essential that you remember to relax and rejuvenate.

Instead of critiquing your body for not being enough of this and for being too much of that, offer it gratitude and appreciation for it unwavering support and devotion.

5.  Create Meaningful Moments

Every day is filled with countless tasks and errands: going to work, talking with friends, picking up the kids, supporting your significant other, washing dishes, going to the gym, visiting the supermarket, shopping – on and one it goes.  Remember that you can imbue each moment with meaning. It can be as simple as smiling at everyone you meet, reacting with compassion and love instead of anger, or making sure to tell your friends and loved ones how much you care about them.

6.  Your Smoking Hot, Inside Out!

Remember, you were born beautiful. Believing that you are unattractive is a learned habit. You can unlearn it and discover the Joy, Peace, and Love that are your natural sate and birthright!

So that is it – 6 Simple Steps. 6 simple steps to start feeling beautiful, right now, in this moment. You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything to experience the Beauty that you already are. In fact, there is nothing you can do, say, or buy that will make you any more perfect, any more beautiful, or any more desirable than you are in this very moment. Simply know this, and you will revel in your true beauty.